Entry 7 Feb: Recovery in the works

I've had a lot of time off this January. I visited a friend for a few days, but otherwise it was a lot of time to be with my own devices. I'm trying to quit smoking weed because I started on a new medication that's really been working for me. I lasted about a week before I bought some pre-rolls, and a few days after that I bought a disposable. It disappointed me, but I'm reminding myself that breaks are more than likely going to help than not. When I'm ready to try again, I will have a new strategy to try. This time, I was triggered by missing my appointment time and also missing my afternoon pill. Going to be adjusting my pill alarm, and also writing my appts near my calendar where they are eye catching. My whiteboard calendar has extra space for a notes section, I could write future appts on there. It's hard for me to keep track of because my appts are every 3 months. My memory doesn't go that far, or at least I haven't figured out how to stretch it yet.
I do, at least, regret buying this vape. I hate the constant itch of dependancy that has slipped so well under my skin. Before the emotional highs were my excuse for why I should keep smoking, and give up a more fulfilling recovery. I can't say that I feel the same way anymore. It's a nice break in the moment, but it really does consume me. And even while I'm high, I still feel the shame of indulging in my interests! of being myself! It's half the reason why these updates are so damn slow. Haven't figured out how to handle the shame of being authentic yet. If I went to therapy, maybe I would know how..... Le sign.

One last note, I completed my three year-long solo playthrough of Factorio, at 110 hours. I've been considering if I should make a shrine for the game, since I decided that I would attempt to complete it myself after only beating it one other time in multiplayer. I don't have much to say about it, though. I like the resource management and how complex the game gets as you progress. I could show my stats in that save ig.

Signoff: Listening to DashieGames play Candy Killers on Youtube. One of the few games that he's completed with the good ending.